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July 14, 2005



A beautiful post...and how I hope the very end of your story is one that leaves you happy and strong and so many other fantastic adjectives that describe you (and your family).


Your best was very helpful for me to read. I am 38 and had a miscarriage in April and we are trying again. I am having thoughts of what if my daughter was my golden chance? It is very hard to think these thoughts but as you said, it gets you nowhere to dwell..... Anyway, I wish you peace.


I so completely understand what you're saying.

And don't you hate the young, fertile neighbors? Grrrr.

I wish we were neighbors. We'd sit on the porch and scowl or not even give a damn while we drank margaritas. Yeah, that would be nice.

Take care.


I hear ya. We saw an RE last week (long story why we did that, can't even blog about it) and it's over. We are at the end of *that story* and there is sadness... and relief.


And yet, and yet...
I agree with your comment on "taking charge of your futility" - getting pregnant and HAVING the kid don't always go hand in hand.
Thinking of you during this horrid July.


Wow...."no one wants to end their reproductive struggles on a bad note." So true. I guess that is why so many of us keep going because we just cannot end it that way.

I have thought many times about you and how you ended your pursuit...for wonderful reasons. But, I thought in my mind it still must be hard because after all of those trys and near successes you were closer than many. I think you probably made a good choice just from what you ahve said...not that I would know what is best for you but from your writing...does that make sense.

Anyhoo I am not making the point that I wanted to...just that I think of you, and others, and me with our choices and they are each so hard. When one is trying there still is hope but when you choose to stop trying you have to accept and figure out how to cope... I think in my mind and in some ways that is harder...the just being. Is this making sense?

Anyway I lovd your pictures and you are very beautiful, your son is darn cute, and your husband handsome!!! Good looking family. Your trip looked devine.


I know what you mean. Even with an adoption ahead, I still can't put my reproductive history to rest. I can't yet believe that it's over, even if it might be. We ended on a VERY bad note and I still have the bitter taste in my mouth from it. I don't know if it will ever "not be sad," but I do know that I'm better off than I was last year at this point, and it seems that you are too. Let's hope next year will be even better, shall we?


I find that the more effort that is exerted to change the ending, the more painful it all becomes.

I am so glad that you are in such a good place with your husband right now, it is so difficult.

Take care.


Wow. So well said. I think that's why almost as soon as we had our one perfect baby boy, I suddenly felt very strongly that I didn't want to try for more (although we'd hoped for two or three). We have the happy ending now - wouldn't it be wise to put down the damn pen? I'd be past 40 when we'd be ready to try for #2, and it doesn't seem terribly likely that that will improve the situation any.

I've been telling people, when I talk about this, that I can't deal with the roller coaster anymore (much like your husband). But I think your acquaintance got closer to the heart of it.

BTW, I don't think I've posted here before, but I've been reading you for awhile - you're a wonderful writer.


What a beautiful, poignant post. With mercybuttercup, that is why I'm done with Polly. That's it. I can't handle going through all of that pain again to try for another that will probably never come.
Infertility is awful.


I'm in your shoes, and it is not a good place to be. Except I don't have any children (not that I hold that against you). I'm just at the end of the road and I can't quite let go of the hope, but I know I must. I will keep reading.


Your post just breaks my heart. I used to say I was ok with one child- that'd I'd just be thankful for what I had. But it was a lie. I wasn't ok with it. I don't know what the answer is- how you let go..move on. I wish I did.


Ain't that the truth "No one wants to end their reproductive years on a bad note." That pretty much sums up how I feel. And all the new neighbors moving in here are all pregnant -- and cute -- and have other children.

That TCOYF woman? Yeah, she's a friend's neighbor. And for some reason, that annoys me, probably because that books annoys me so. I'm tired of everything always working for someone else just not me.

Thinking of you often.


This is such a beautiful post, and somehow it gives me encouragement that someone as nice and wise as you clearly are still has the same difficult, envious feelings about shiny happy people (who do things like move in nextdoor and be pregnant) as I struggle with, it makes me think there may be hope that I won't slowly degenerate into a crabby blob of bitterness but could possibly be a lovely enlightened person like you...

I'm glad you have all those good things you do have. And I'm glad you FINALLY saw the Godfather movies - where have you been, under a rock?

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