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April 10, 2006

Comments

Donna

I've often thought and said this: you don't get over it, you just get through it. Some pain is always going to remain, no matter whatever else about your life is perfect. I have two close friends who are single, both wanted to have a family and its now too late (at least to have biological children), they gently remind me how lucky I am to have a loving husband in my life. I accept that. I just don't accept that that erases the hole I have in my soul.

kati

If you can, try not to beat yourself up for feeling jealous of other people's pregnancies/births. I don't think it has anything to do with not appreciating what you do have. At least I hope not, because I have those same feelings a lot, too.

thalia

I think Donna is spot on. We all have losses in our lives, and those losses come to the fore at specific times, given specific triggers. I think you do have to think about your reaction to the person concerned, which will be based on how important they are to you, but I don't think you have to control what you are feeling. In fact, it's very important that you feel it.

Orodemniades

what everyone else said, cuz they said it better than me.

Lut C.

That dinner was an especially painful episode. I hope the people involved are duely embarassed about their behavior.

No resolution? I think you're right. But what is there left to wish one another? Just strength perhaps.

Vashni

Echoes of the above. I think there is a difference between getting on with it and getting over it. And getting on with it can take as long as it needs to.
Strength and peace.

v

chris

What Donna said.

And you never know: The 44 year old may have used donor eggs.

ashley

We also have a bio son (7) and can completely relate to your entire post. Some people have said to me "just be grateful you had Josh"....as if to say that should override the desire to have another child or give him a sibling. What they don't realize is that I AM grateful for him. I think about how lucky I am more than they know.

The thing is that a person is allowed to have two different emotions at once. Who says you can only have one emotion? You CAN feel grateful you have your son AND still desire another. Why is that so hard for people to grasp?

Ashley

Menita

Your last paragraph is something I thought about a lot while I was waiting for Polly: I was wretched because I couldn't have a child, but I had an adorable husband, a sweet little home, a job I loved, while many of my friends had only one out of three, at best. And yes, I did feel guilty and selfish. But you know what? I think that pain isn't absolute, it's relative. And whatever makes a human being suffer is valid, and incomparable to others.
That Miyumi sounds like a keeper, BTW.

agness

I'm sorry.

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