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April 18, 2006



I am so sorry, Patricia. This has to be one of the hardest things to experience, losing a parent while he's still right there in front of you. I am sorry you are all going through this, your dad and the rest of the family as well.


My heart goes out to you and your family.

Anna H.

I'm thinking of you, Patricia.

Much love.


When my mother had her stroke I found it very difficult to admit that she was not the person I had known. I wanted her to still be able to care for me - I know that is selfish but it is the way I felt. I don't know if she felt shame with all I had to do for her, but I do know that I felt it. I felt I was invading her privacy and she had always been a very private person. I had so many mixed feelings about all of it. I can understand how you are feeling now. You seem to be much stronger than I was and much more generous. Your father did a great job raising a daughter.


Just "found" you via NakedOvary. I have been going through the same thing with my dad and it is brutal. He had his first TIAs 9 years ago at age 68, At first we thought he was fine but soon realized there was cognitive loss. The first big change was when he his driver's license was taken away. We think he may have continued to have "silent strokes" in the time since and had another mini-stroke the day after Thanksgiving. Since then he has gone downhill even further and at dd's birthday party 2 weeks ago actually introduced himself to my mother and later tried to leave with friends of ours. He is on the verge of not knowing who we are. The most heartbreaking parts for me have been helping him with toileting issues as you described and I have found myself the past few months awake at night sobbing because I am now praying that he dies while he still has a shred of dignity left. My mom is still trying to take care of him at home but she doesn't drive either so I spend a lot of time running them around with a 4yr old on tow. It is another factor that holds us back from adopting again. I read an earlier post and in my family my mom was the nutso one (hospitalized) and my dad was a saint doing far more for us than the average husband and father. Only our stuggles with IF have made me grieve as much as seeing this sweet man become a shell of a person before our eyes.
Try to hang in there. It is so rough not knowing when it will end or how much worse he will get before it does.

Alexandra/Infertile Gourmet

Oh my....I think there are few things that touch the core of who we are than watching a person we love slowly slip away. It is terribly sad. What makes it worse is we all have this pride of how we manage ourselves in life so it must be so difficult to lose the ability to do so. My heart goes out to you and your father.


So sorry. That sucks so badly. My uncle had anoxia (from breathing paint fumes and other crap for 50 years at work) and declined quite a bit. He was such a funny guy - always laughing and joking. It just broke my heart to see him get so feeble.

I try not to remember the last years, but I keep alive the years when he was alive and vibrant.

Good luck. It is so hard.

Julia S

Patricia, I am so sorry.

Lut C.

I can only imagine what you're going through. It sounds like a perpetual state of saying goodbye, which must be draining. Take care.


I also found you through the Naked Ovary link - and your recent post caught my eye.

I went through this same situation with both my parents. My mom had vascular dementia, dad had Alzheimers. In fact, we moved home from Seattle to care for them.

Good luck with your father's move - my only advice is to be sure the facility respects not only who your father is, but who he was. So often, the elderly are "warehoused" as we wait for them to pass. My mom was in a wonderful facility where every staff member treated her like the vibrant, successful woman she was - not the confused, frightented and forgetful woman she became.

Dealing with my parents' illness and decline was indescribable. I wish you strength in the months and years to come.

Dead Bug

This post just breaks my heart. I am so sorry that it's gotten to this point. So sorry.

Much love to you,


I'm so sorry. You're in my thoughts and prayers.


I am so sorry.

I remember feeling similar when my aunt was so sick, in pain and out of it in the latter stages of cancer. It was time for a peaceful end.


Oh my. So sad. I'm so sorry to read this. I've been faithfully reading your blog for a very long time now (often just lurk and don't post) and have seen you post about your father on many occasions. It is just so painful to read of him slowly continuing to decline like this.

I'm very sorry for you, your father, and your mother.


This post is shattering. I am thinking of you and your family. I am very sorry.


Of course you want your father not to be suffering, and that is a loving act. I am sorry for what you and your family are going through.


How heartbreaking. I don't know what to say other than I'm sorry. It must be horrific. I really am so very sorry. I can only wish you and your family strength and peace, and hope you come by it soon, somehow.

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