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September 30, 2006


Lut C.

Just yesterday I was talking to someone about blogs and what the hype is all about. He only knows 1 blog, and thinks it's a boring account of just another Joe Average's life. It's little more than a diary, he said.

He's right, but then again, he's so wrong. Before I could figure out how to explain, we were interrupted. Good thing, because I don't think I could have explained very well.

I didn't see that Daily Show obviously, but I can understand that this one would leave a bad taste in your mouth. Not only does she gloss over the ordeal that is ART, but she feeds the idea that it is ok to wait. It's a lost opportunity to inform the public. Though I also understand her need for privacy.


Oh Patricia-those miscarriages are heartbreaking losses. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I am sitting here at 8 weeks 6 days with my 3rd-most likely my 3rd loss-if the 3rd ultrasound this coming week does indeed confirm what I suspect since I began spotting Fri afternoon-that the already slow heartbeat has stopped altogether-and it is killing me. Last night I got dd (4.5 from China) out of the tub. She had her baby doll in the tub and we were wrapping a little towel around her doll and dd asks "Do you think it would be fun to have a real baby?" and I hugged her close and said "Yes sweetie I do." Ugh! Infertility truly sucks! I wanted this so bad for dd and have even been getting shots in the rear end for 5 weeks to try to support this pg. I just keep hoping this might change dh's heart re. adopting again.

You will also appreciate this because 2 weeks ago after the first dismal ultrasound the director of admissions of the place we had applied to place my dad (vascular dementia)emailed to say they had a sudden opening-and we had a day to decide. My mom decided to try to keep Dad at home for now because she doesn't want me dealing with anything else right now.


I tried to follow the Oprah interview by the closed captioning at the gym, I got most of it I think. Your miscarriages are real losses, despite the fact they don't have names. That just makes it harder for others to talk about them in a meaningful way. I too way hoping she would let on that ART was involved in her later children, but I applaud her for trying to help others. I really enjoyed their older daughter as well. I also love Michael on PR, I hope he wins.


I don't know what to think of the whole Elizabeth Edwards person. As someone who's about to go password protected because there's some stuff that's just too personal to put on my otherwise public blog, I respect her need to keep some things to herself. But I do agree re: the false hope thing and if she's putting herself out there in the first place, isn't she doing a disservice? I don't know. She's human. Maybe all she can do is to offer her experiences on losing a child, grief, and late motherhood and to expect more of her is just too much. Its a tough call for me on that issue.


I think Michael may be the only reason I can ever convince my husband to watch Project Runway with me. I TiVo it because 10 pm is too late for me. And I, too, was relieved that they kept all four. Otherwise, it looked like Michael would be out, even though he is probably the most talented of all of them.

I find Laura to be a bit brittle. During the premiere episode she said that she always dresses up because with five kids "if you go casual, it's a slippery slope to sweatpants and a minivan."

Uh...did she just describe my life? Oh, no, I don't have a minivan yet.

Hey, a girl can dream.


I don't know that Elizabeth Edwards is necessarily holding out false hope for other women re: conceiving at such a late age. They live around here and are well-respected and liked and I think she's probably too much of a southern girl at heart to talk too much about her girlie parts. Whatever the reason, I'm happy she was so lucky to have two more children.


Ah, I was just going to write about this on my blog. Because I heard Elizabeth Edwards on the Diane Reems (sp?) show this morning, and she sounded really cool. She talked about how parents worry that their children will be forgotten, that the younger the child, the greater the pain because the child has left such a small legacy. I'm not saying it very well, but I started tearing up as she spoke. She seemed very wise.

And then she was asked about the decision to have more kids (she gave an answer very similar to the one on Oprah, about trying to figure out what would give them joy, travel or what, and realizing it was children) and when Reems said, "so you decided to have more kids," Elizabeth said, "well, we tried, my grandmother had a child at fifty so we hoped we could be that blessed, too" or words to that effect.

And I more or less lost my good feelings, because it's one thing to say "How I conceived my children is none of your business" and it's another thing altogether to throw out the "fertility at an advanced age runs in my family" line. Yes, it's true (I think you might even have mentioned this somewhere) that women used to have more children well into their forties than they do now. But the odds are overwhelmingly in favor of donor egg here, and Elizabeth, with the "my grandmother had a baby at fifty," seems to want to imply that she didn't use donor egg. In which case, SAY IT. "We didn't use donor egg, we were in that miniscule 0.01 percent."

But let's face it, they probably were NOT in that 0.01 percent, and they don't want to admit it, fine, whatever, privacy etc. (I agree with Chris that a fine southern lady like Elizabeth Edwards isn't going to spout off on the radio about DE easily). But DON'T then LIE, not just by omission, but by misdirection.

As much as I make lipservice in the direction of privacy when it comes to ART, I find the coyness and misdirection so irritating, I lose my head. Either give a brief rundown of the details, or decline to answer the question on the grounds of privacy. None of this 'late babies run in my family' bullsh*t when you're promoting a book about your struggle to recover from devastating loss.

And not for nothing, but John Edwards' PAC sent out several e-mails to his campaign supporters (I count myself an enthusiastic one) asking us to support the book and Elizabeth's various public appearances. Not that it's a surprise, but whatever its other purposes, the book is part of John's campaign to become president. Elizabeth would make a fantastic first lady, and they want the world to know it.

So I tend to think the rules about "privacy" change a little, when you're using your biography to create a campaign.

Ack. This started out as a nice little note about a woman I genuinely and generally respect. The BS around DE really gets my blood boiling. Sorry about that.


Hm, I remember when that Slate article first came out. I've got to say that I'm a huge fan of Elizabeth Edwards. Not just because she went to my alma mater for both undergrad and law school (her husband only went for law school), but I met her and immediately respected her.

I didn't see the Oprah interview. I do know what she's said in the past is that 'don't ever assume it was easy for me to have these children' and that she pursued ART without saying DE. Now it appears that she's saying less than that. It's funny because I was arguing with a fellow blogger (and someone who's pursing DE herself) just last week because she was sure EE 'came out' in People during the campaign.

I guess I'm hoping she believes, like I do, in the difference between privacy and secrecy and that this is her children's story. Maybe we all read into it a little bit of what we want.

Didn't that pregnant Project Runway chick let folks at a cocktail party name her last child? I'm pretty sure I read that in a names blog.


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